Being Arlos mama 💙

We had a scan on Monday 8th June at Calderdale Royal Hospital. As I went into the hospital I was hopeful that maybe just maybe the hygroma had gone and he was out of those woods, but I also felt uneasy and prepared for the worst. As I lay down and the technician started scanning he was quiet (I didn't have a screen to see so wasn't sure what was going on) but deep down I knew why he was being quiet and I waited to hear those words... The words that followed were "ohhh I'm sorry there's no heartbeat. Baby is measuring 14 weeks" A tear rolled down my cheek and all I could manage to get out was "I was expecting it" I'm the type of person who doesn't really like showing emotions so I tried my hardest to hold them in and all I could think of was my poor baby boy, his excited big brother and his daddy who would be heartbroken! I was taken to a quiet room to wait for the consultant for our next steps. On the way the midwife asked if I had anyone wai

So over the next couple of weeks we tried to find a name that we could both decide on that went with Oscar! Me and Oscar picked Arlo as it meant little soldier and he certainly is a little soldier!! Timmy ended up giving in and picked the middle name Thomas 🥰 when I was 18 weeks! our little Arlo Thomas Wilkinson 💙 he's such a strong little baby kicking and wiggling and absolutely adores when timmy talks to him and puts his hand on my tummy he'd kick and flip away!! 

So the following Monday (6 days after the test) the consultant rang to tell me the results of the CVS which showed that baby had Down Syndrome (which was absolutely no issue to us at all) and then asked what we wanted to do if we wanted to carry on or terminate of course we wanted to give our baby that fighting chance!! She mentioned that due to the amount of fluid his heart would most likely give out and his chance of survival was about 5/10% now given the downs result! I asked the consultant if she'd been able to get the gender where she told us it was another little boy 🥰💙 I told timmy what the results were and he was clearly upset but we were determined to fight for him 💙

Well our Fetal appointment didn't quite go to how I'd planned. Four days after our first scan we got an appointment!  Before the appointment I'd felt hope a lot of hope that maybe we were going to be one of the lucky ones who's hygroma does solve itself and that will be that, I also felt very nervous. The nerves got worse as I waited and waited to go in! Finally I was called in and the scan began and there was my beautiful beautiful wiggly baby with a fabulous heart beat 🥰 the hygroma was still unfortunately there and baby also had 2 bilateral cysts either side! The doctor asked if I wanted to have a CVS to do a closer check for chromosone disorders which I agreed to as I'd been searching syndromes and I'd read about Edwards and patau syndrome and had come to the decision in my head if it was one of these I did not want my baby to suffer (Edwards survival rate after birth is a day and then till 1 then early adulthood but they will have a lot of things wrong and

We had our first scan on 1st May and this is where our World got turned upside down!! So I got to my appointment feeling nervous but excited to see my little wiggle bum on the screen. Again I was alone as Timmy still wasn't allowed to come!  I got called in and got ready for the scan the technician put the machine on my belly and there was my sweet baby wiggling around even waving. Baby was very active and wouldn't get into the right position to be checked so I had to do a lot of wriggling! I noticed around baby there was like a shadow which I didn't have on my scans with Oscar. Then the technician told me baby had some fluid around it and the neck was measuring 9mm where it should be no more than 3 (but didn't know if this was due to the extra fluid) she also mentioned it could be a cystic hygroma but said she's known for these to resolve on there on in utero! She also mentioned that if it was a girl there would be a chance she would have Turners syndrome.  I then

I had my first midwife appointment on 2nd April where I was 9 weeks! I had been suffering with quite bad anxiety for a couple of weeks due to the Covid-19 pandemic where both me and Timmy are keyworkers. I had managed to get onto a new thing where I would see the same midwife up until baby was born which absolutely thrilled me as last time I had 5 different midwives before labour and my last one was a bit pants! This also meant I could have my baby at Huddersfield birth Centre which after Oscars birth thrilled me as my experience at Calderdale was absolutely horrific!! So I sat in the birth Centre waiting to be seen, I felt excited but anxious as I had to attend alone due to the pandemic. This really upset me as I felt like this whole pregnancy was going to be ruined for Timmy due to him not being able to go to scans or appointments! I got called in and we discussed my mental health (which due to my anxiety was not good) and was going to be passed on to the mental health midwife for so